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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22525915">Healing With Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reila_Flowers/pseuds/Reila_Flowers'>Reila_Flowers</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Malice Mizer</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, Romance</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 11:49:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,627</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22525915</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reila_Flowers/pseuds/Reila_Flowers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Whilst in hospital recovering from an operation, Kami meets a man his own age who clearly has secrets he refuses to tell. He's enchanted by this man, fascinated by the other's sense of humour and flirtatious words. But does Gackt genuinely care for him, or is this just a game that he is playing?  It was certain that Gackt was an enigma to unravel, but in this hospital ward Kami had plenty of time to do so.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gackt/Kami (Malice Mizer)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Healing With Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>                It was the middle of the night when Kami woke up, the quiet room unsettling as he slipped out of bed to go to the bathroom. In his tired state he forgot about the pain moving could bring and let out a gasp at the unwelcomed surprise. What should have been a quick trip to relieve his bladder wasn’t going to be easy in his current state but he had too much pride to request help from one of the nurses working in the hospital ward. Stubbornly he got out of bed, careful not to pull any of the stiches in his stomach, and placed his now cold feet in the slippers that waited for him. He was sure the hospital was well cleaned but he didn’t fancy walking bare foot across the floor. Slowly, one step at a time, he made his way to the bathroom stopping only when he heard voices outside the room. It sounded like somebody was being checked into the ward, which was unusual given the late hour but clearly to be expected in a hospital. Sickness didn’t care about the time of day after all.</p><p>                He just wanted a quick look, to see who would be joining the patients here, so careful he moved towards the doors. He couldn’t help but smile when he saw the young man on the other side, who was clearly a teenage like himself. At eighteen he was too old for the children’s ward and had been placed with adults, which was fine, he hadn’t complained, but it did make him feel rather out of place here. Ironically being with adults made him feel more like a child than being on a children’s ward ever would have. In the morning he would speak to the other boy, hopefully they had enough in common that he could have a friend for the rest of his stay here. He still needed the bathroom, but he feigned needing a rest and stood watching the young man through the glass panel of the doors. Catching the other’s gaze he smiled nervously before slipping into the privacy of the bathroom.</p><p>                By the time he was done in the bathroom the boy was still standing in the hallway, no longer looking bored as he had done before. He was embarrassed and Kami found sympathy for the poor man who had to stand idly by as his own father shouted at the poor nurse who had to deal with him. It seemed he had expected his son to have a private room and wasn’t at all happy to hear that this wouldn’t be the case until the morning, when it’s current patient would be allowed to go home. As much as he shouted though, the nurse was not at all concerned and stood by what she was saying.</p><p>                “And what if Gackt catches something from one of these patients?” The father demanded. “I won’t hesitate to sue the hospital if that happens.”</p><p>                “I can assure you that nobody here has anything infectious,” The nurse was saying, but the angry man was throwing open the ward doors as he marched straight towards Kami. Nervously Kami wondered what he had done to face this man’s wrath, could he not see that he was just a young man in a lot of pain? He really needed to lie down, this small amount of exercise had already been too much.</p><p>                “Boy, what do you have?” The man demanded to know, his tone not angry when speaking to Kami but he certainly had the attitude that he expected to be obeyed.</p><p>                “Dad! You can’t ask that!” Gackt protested. “Really I’m fine with whatever bed they have here.”</p><p>                “You can’t speak to our patients like that.” The nurse added but the man was still waiting for Kami’s response. Perhaps if he just told him he’d be allowed to go back to bed?</p><p>                “It’s appendicitis,” Kami admitted. “I’m recovering from the operation and really should be in bed.”</p><p>                “Yes you should,” The nurse realised, taking in Kami’s condition and gently helping Kami to his bed as the two other men in the ward began to argue with each other. As Kami was tucked back into bed, and several other patients began to stir from the commotion, Gackt approached the nurse that had brought him here.</p><p>                “Can you show me to my bed?” Gackt asked politely, “Also, as I’m eighteen I have the right to ask my father only comes back during visiting hours, don’t I?”</p><p>                “Need I remind you who’s paying for this?” His father demanded but before the nurse threatened to call security, he announced he would be returning in the morning and expected Gackt to be in a private room by then. After the excitement it should have taken Kami some time to get to sleep but his surgery had left him tired and he soon slipped off into broken sleep.</p><p> </p><p>                He was woken the next morning by a nurse checking his vitals and sleepily he let her take his blood temper and accepted the pain killers without question. Half thinking it could have been a dream he looked across the ward and found that the bed where Gackt had been placed had the curtains closed around it. Perhaps Gackt was with a doctor or nurse, Kami thought, or maybe a boy like him used to private rooms couldn’t handle being on a busy ward.</p><p>                When the pain killers began to work, he was able to get up to carry out his morning routine and even get dressed in loose fitting clothes before sitting on top of the bedsheets. The hospital was so boring outside visiting hours but Gackt still hadn’t revealed himself from behind the curtains so he couldn’t go to say hello. He was about to turn on the TV when breakfast arrived, a welcome distraction from the monotony of his days here. He was just finishing the food when Gackt approached, surprising Kami as he hadn’t seen him leave his makeshift room.</p><p>                “I’m sorry if my father scared you last night,” Gackt apologised. “He acts that way because he cares, I know that, but it’s such a pain. Did he keep you awake?”</p><p>                “No more than the pain would have on its own,” Kami answered. As it was, he had woken up twice more in the night but Gackt’s father wasn’t to blame. “It’s getting better though. No need to worry about me.”</p><p>                “I’m glad,” Gackt said. “Here, do you want this fruit?” He added, offering Kami a small plastic container of fruit. It had come from his breakfast, the best part even, though that was most likely because the fruit was sitting in a sugary liquid that made it sweeter than fruit really should be. He accepted the fruit with a smile, surprised when Gackt picked up the empty fruit container from his breakfast tray and placed it in his pocket. There was something really strange about this boy, Kami thought, but as they talked he just couldn’t quite place what it was.</p><p>                “Can I ask, why are you here?” Kami found himself asking. Gackt didn’t look sick, even though he was pale and slimmer than he should be.</p><p>                “Because my parents are idiots who can’t mind their own business,” Gackt snapped. His tone softening as he saw Kami’s reaction to his angry words. “I don’t really want to talk about it.”</p><p>                “I’m sorry,” Kami apologised. “I didn’t mean to upset you. Nobody here has to tell anybody what’s wrong with them.”</p><p>                “You’re right,” Gackt agreed. “But it wasn’t an offensive question, I understand that you’re curious. Still, you haven’t even told me your name.”</p><p>                “My friends call me Kami,” Kami answered, even as Gackt read his name from the sign on the wall. “And you’re Gackt?”</p><p>                “That’s right,” Gackt confirmed. “Kami, like a god… yes, I think you’re as pretty as one.”</p><p>                “Are you flirting with me?” Kami asked, finding himself blushing at the attention. “Sorry, that might not have been a good question to ask either.”</p><p>                “You’re asking if I’m gay?” Gackt asked, as they both glanced over at the man in the bed nearest to Kami’s own. He was asleep thought, so there was no risk of his judgement. “Would you freak out if the answer was yes?”</p><p>                “No, I’d be in agreement to that answer,” Kami confessed, realising he had just come out as gay to a stranger. What was he thinking? The pain medication was clearly making him loopy. It was the only explanation. “So, is that your answer? Are you gay?”</p><p>                “For you, I will be,” Gackt answered. “My sexuality is rather fleeting. It all depends on who catches my eye. Last night that person was you.”</p><p>                “You’re teasing me.” Kami accused but Gackt only smiled at him and made his way over to his own bed. Frustrated Kami watched him go, realising that the nurse was waiting for Gackt to move his things to the private room his father had so angrily demanded the night before. Had Gackt seen the nurse, or was he simply continuing to play games with his head? Did it matter either way? He doubted he’d be seeing much of Gackt from now on. At least, that was what he thought until he realised Gackt was being moved to a private room in the same ward. Perhaps he would visit him? They were the only teenagers here and Gackt had suggested he was interested. For the rest of the morning all he could think about was Gackt and what he could have possibly been trying to say.</p><p> </p><p>                The visiting hours came and went with a visit from his favourite Grandparents, taking the place of his parents as they had both had gone to work now the surgery appeared to be a success. As always he enjoyed his Grandparents’ company, wishing they could have stayed longer than they had. In the quiet that followed he decided to see how Gackt was doing, the pain of moving was better than the boredom of sitting on his bed alone.</p><p>                He spotted Gackt’s father leaving the room as he approached, the man not seeming to recognise him from the night before which was unusual. His waist long red hair normally insured that people recognised him when they met him again. Perhaps then it was just that the older man had been so angry that he wouldn’t have noticed anyone? Had he been arguing with Gackt? Perhaps now wasn’t the best time to visit.</p><p>                “You can come in, you know,” Gackt called and Kami found himself blushing. Had the other seen him lingering in the doorway? He entered the room and shut the door behind him, carefully taking a seat in a chair so that they could continue their conversation from before. “You came here despite the pain? Should I be flattered?”</p><p>                “I just wanted company and you’re the best option,” Kami said, trying to stay casual with the other. “Your father seemed angry, is this room not to his liking?”</p><p>                “No, he’s fine with that,” Gackt answered. “It’s his son who’s not to his liking.”</p><p>                “What’s not to like?” Kami asked. “Or do you mean because you told him to leave last night?”</p><p>                “Well yes, there’s that,” Gackt agreed, “But my mother wouldn’t allow him to hold a grudge. If she knew what happened she’d scold him for causing a scene. He may own shares in the hospital but that doesn’t give him the right to be rude. Manners are very important to my mother.”</p><p>                “She hasn’t visited.” Kami remarked, regretting the words as he spoke them. Perhaps there was a reason for that too?</p><p>                “She’s coming tonight, maybe with my siblings,” Gackt answered. “I hope they come, they would spare me from the grief she would otherwise give me for being here again.”</p><p>                “You make it sound like it’s your fault you’re here.” Kami joked, surprised that Gackt didn’t laugh.</p><p>                “That’s because it is,” Gackt confessed. He looked like he was about to elaborate on the topic but instead he changed the subject. “So Kami, I take it you live somewhere around here?”</p><p>                “Bed number eight, you know that.” Kami answered with a smile. If Gackt wanted to withhold information, then so would he. “You visited there once, I think. It’s hard to remember.”</p><p>                “I don’t remember visiting bed number eight,” Gackt replied. “Is it far from here?”</p><p>                “Walking distance.” Kami replied.</p><p>                “Then I will have to visit,” Gackt said, picking up an apple from a basket of fruit that his father must have brought him. “Apple?”</p><p>                “You keep offering me fruit,” Kami said, taking the apple anyway as he was already growing hungry. “Lucky for you I’m starving.”</p><p>                “You’re starving?” Gackt said, handing over a banana as well. “We can’t have that.”</p><p>                “Really, you spoil me,” Kami complained. “Anyone would think you meant it when you flirted with me before.”</p><p>                “And we care about what they think because?” Gackt prompted. Once again he was dodging the questions Kami wanted answers to. He was well practised at this form of deceit, Kami concluded. Not a liar, he merely avoided telling the truth.</p><p>                “Why do you flirt with people, if you have no intention to carry out the implications of your words?” Kami asked. When Gackt didn’t answer he sighed, placed the fruit on the bed and made his way out of the room. If Gackt wanted to play his games, he could play them on his own.</p><p>                He’d just settled down when Gackt appeared by his bedside, placing the fruit he had given Kami down on the table. He said nothing as he sat in the chair by the bedside and took Kami’s hand. His gaze held a challenge, though what that challenge was Kami couldn’t say.</p><p>                “I’ll have you know, I never suggest things I don’t mean,” Gackt announced. “I play games with people, it’s true, but my intentions I thought were clear enough?”</p><p>                “So, you do like me?” Kami asked. “Then why avoid telling me anything at all!”</p><p>                “Have you thought that maybe the reason I’m here is deeply personal?” Gackt asked. Kami hadn’t actually and now felt bad pressing Gackt for answered. “That my family life is none of your concern?”</p><p>                “I’m sorry.” Kami apologised. He hadn’t meant to upset the other. With a sigh Gackt took in his expression, before relenting on the matter.</p><p>                “I won’t tell you why I’m here, or about my parents,” Gackt announced, “But I will tell you that I truly think you’re the most beautiful of men and I would like to get to know you better. Perhaps though, we’ll start with some questions that are easy to answer. My favourite colour is black, yours?”</p><p>                “Red,” Kami answered. “And purple. Sometimes I just can’t decide between the two.”</p><p>                “Passion and royalty, both suit my idea of you well,” Gackt said and this time there was no denying that he was flirting. “Favourite subject at school?”</p><p>                “I really love tennis, so there’s that,” Kami answered. “And history, at least the part about samurai. Music too but I wonder if I’ll ever be good at it.”</p><p>                “Music takes practise and commitment,” Gackt reassured him. “When you hear someone playing well, they’ve probably played since before they can remember. That’s how I learnt to master the piano, why I win rewards when I compete. That’s the only time I know he’s proud of me.”</p><p>                “Your father,” Kami guessed. “I don’t think that’s true. He was deeply invested in insuring you had a room of your own. I think he does care for you, very much.”</p><p>                “He cares too much, that’s the problem,” Gackt replied. “Why I’m never good enough for him.”</p><p>                “I thought we were having easy conversations?” Kami replied, sensing that Gackt didn’t want to stay on this topic any longer.</p><p>                “We are.” Gackt agreed, preceding to ask a ton of easy questions for Kami to answer. It became a game over time, who could ask the most ridiculous question for the other and they soon ended up in laughter that threatened to rip out Kami’s stiches. It was a nurse that put the end to their time together, insisting that they both should rest and reluctantly Gackt left for the room his father had been so insistent that he had.</p><p> </p><p>                When the evening visiting time arrived and Kami’s father came to see him Kami waited curiously for Gackt’s mother to arrive. He had to explain to his father about the boy in the private room and the fuss his father had caused.</p><p>                “You do seem tired, I didn’t want to say anything,” His father concluded, but like Kami he too began to look out for Gackt’s guest. She arrived about twenty minutes later than visiting time had begun, a well-dressed woman who walked straight to her son’s room as if she was entering her own birthday party, or a business meeting which she was about to lead. “That’s her then.”</p><p>                “So it is,” Kami said. “She seemed… honestly impossible to read.”</p><p>                “In a hurry,” His father commented. “If I was being charitable, I’d say she was worried. As any parent should be.”</p><p>                “You don’t need to worry about me,” Kami reassured his father. “The doctor said I might get to go home tomorrow.”</p><p>                “Did he?” His father asked, making arrangements with Kami for how he was going to get home if he was released during the working day. They had soon both forgotten about Gackt’s guest, too focused on talking about a variety of things. It wasn’t until visiting time was almost over that they were reminded of the woman, who walked out of Gackt’s room earlier than she had to, looking more upset now than when she had arrived. She approached the nurse’s station, clearly putting up just as much of a fuss as her husband had done. The difference was she didn’t seem quite as angry, though the poor nurse on duty looked just as flustered. Was this how they spoke to Gackt, Kami wondered, it seemed overbearing in his eyes.</p><p>                “Perhaps the window doesn’t open quite enough.” His father joked, his voice low enough that only Kami heard. Kami smiled and agreed that might just be the case, but it didn’t feel right. The woman seemed just a little bit too upset for it to be something so insignificant.</p><p>                His father left soon after and Kami sat watching as the nurse left her station to go and visit Gackt. Concerned he realised that perhaps something was genuinely wrong withhim, and here he had been making jokes. Gackt’s mother looked around the room, approaching Kami the moment she lay eyes on him. Not angry, but on some sort of mission, Kami realised as the scent of floral perfume filled his space.</p><p>                “Has my son been spending time with you?” The woman asked. “I’m Gackt’s mother.”</p><p>                “We were talking earlier,” Kami confirmed. “He seems nice.”</p><p>                “I’m glad you think so,” She said with a smile. “Obviously I have no issue with Gackt spending time with a boy his own age but you’re not to accept gifts from him. I bet he’s already given you some?”</p><p>                “Just some fruit,” Kami admitted. “Was there something wrong with it?”</p><p>                “The fruit, it was organic and locally grown,” The woman answered. “I hope you enjoyed it but please don’t take any more. That fruit is for Gackt and I want to make sure he eats it. If you like, I could arrange for a gift basket to be sent to you as well?”</p><p>                “It’s really all right,” Kami answered. “I’m sorry, I thought it was fine to take some.”</p><p>                “He needs that fruit to get better, but you weren’t to know,” She answered. “Well I won’t keep you any longer. Thank you for being company for my boy.”</p><p>                “It was really no bother. I like his company too.” Kami answered, relieved when the woman left him to rest at last. It seemed ridiculous the way she was so determined that fruit was going to cure what illness was plaguing her son, it didn’t matter how local or organic it was, fruit wasn’t medicine.</p><p>                He was just drifting into a nap when Gackt rushed to his bedside. He seemed flustered and even as he took a seat beside Kami the nurse who had been in his room watched him with disapproving eyes. It was almost as if he wasn’t supposed to leave the room, had his mother banned him from talking to him?</p><p>                “Did my mother speak to you?” Gackt asked.</p><p>                “Yes,” Kami admitted. “She seemed displeased you had given me that fruit.”</p><p>                “She’s ridiculous!” Gackt exclaimed. “Let me guess, she told you not to take any more?”</p><p>                “Yes,” Kami said. “She said you needed it to get better?”</p><p>                “I bet she did,” Gackt said. “Well don’t let her upset you. It’s only fruit and if I want to give you it, I will.”</p><p>                “I won’t accept it,” Kami answered. “It’s your gift and if it makes your mother feel better knowing you’ve eaten it, then I won’t get in her way.”</p><p>                “Kami, don’t be ridiculous, I’ll just lie to her.” Gackt scolded him but Kami wasn’t in the mood to back down.</p><p>                “I need to sleep, I’m sorry.” Kami explained. It was only then that Gackt seemed to take in his condition.</p><p>                “Of course, sorry, I forgot you were kept you up last night,” Gackt reassured him. “Get some sleep. Can I speak to you tomorrow?”</p><p>                “Of course.” Kami promised, settling down in bed as Gackt left. He wondered for a short while about the relationship between mother and son, but he was soon drifting off into sleep, his concerns all but forgotten.</p><p> </p><p>                A nurse had been in Gackt’s room during breakfast that morning and the longer she was in there, the more Kami began to worry. Had something happened to the other man overnight? Not for the first time Kami wondered what was wrong with the other, slowly picking at his own breakfast as he waited for a chance to talk to the other boy. Just as the nurse left Gackt’s room, his own doctor appeared at his bedside.</p><p>                “So the nurses tell me your doing well,” The doctor commented with a smile. “Would you agree?”</p><p>                “I think so,” Kami confirmed. “The stiches itch a little now but the pain is much better.”</p><p>                “Good, your vitals are fine to,” The doctor reassured him. “You’re healing nicely. How would you feel if we changed your current pain medicine? I’ll check up on you this afternoon and if you’re still doing well, I think you can go home.”</p><p>                “That’s brilliant!” Kami said, excitedly.</p><p>                “Don’t get too excited, I’ll still prescribe bed rest.” The doctor warned, though Kami barely heard the words. He knew it was tiring for his parents to keep coming here while they still worked full time and at home he would have his own things to keep him company. Perhaps even he could look after his younger siblings after school like he used to, they were old enough to not need much more than his company.</p><p>                “I know I’m not supposed to ask,” Kami said as the doctor finished his quick check up, “But is Gackt all right? You don’t need to tell me anything if you can’t.”</p><p>                “Gackt?” The doctor said, “I’m sorry, he’s not one of my patients.”</p><p>                “That’s ok, I’ll see if I can ask him.” Kami reassured the doctor. Under the doctor’s observation he got out of bed and carefully began to walk across the ward. He needed to speak to Gackt today, if he was going home then he would need to give the other his phone number. Assuming of course that Gackt wanted to keep in touch. Who knew, maybe he was just a distraction? He knocked politely on the door, worried the other wouldn’t want visitors, but to his relief Gackt opened the door from the other side.</p><p>                “I was just about to come and visit you,” Gackt greeted him. “Please enter my castle, don’t mind the crocodiles in the moat.”</p><p>                “You know, I don’t think it’s healthy to keep crocodiles in a moat,” Kami remarked. “Isn’t the water too dirty?”</p><p>                “The moat water comes from a manmade diversion of a river, it’s as clean as could be,” Gackt said with a smile, perhaps pleased that Kami was playing along. “Their diet of human meat may be a little more troubling. Animal protection services came once, they didn’t seem happy so I fed them to my pets.”</p><p>                “The crocodiles?” Kami guessed.</p><p>                “No, the dragons.” Came Gackt’s answer. It was only then that he handed over a sketch pad for Kami to flip through. Every picture was of castles or dragons and sure enough, there were crocodiles in the moat.</p><p>                “These are really good,” Kami said, taking the seat as it hurt less than standing. “You’re a man of many talents.”</p><p>                “I know a few things to keep a man entertained,” Gackt said, his tone hinting of not so innocent things. He was flirting again, Kami realised, not sure if he was just being hopeful. “Of course, my parents don’t think of art as a talent. Do you want some fruit?”</p><p>                “You know I won’t accept,” Kami scolded the other. Deciding it was best to change the topic. “Is everything all right with you? The nurse was in here a long time this morning?”</p><p>                “Just observations, nothing to worry about,” Gackt reassured him. “Are you getting better?”</p><p>                “The doctor said I might be released later today, probably in the afternoon,” Kami answered. “I wanted to give you my phone number before I go.”</p><p>                “What good are you to me when you’re not here?” Gackt said, his tone cold which concerned Kami until a smile slipped onto Gackt’s lips. “Well every good King puts a good man to help him keep control over his territory. You shall guard one of my castles, as long as you keep in touch with your liege.”</p><p>                “My liege?” Kami repeated. “I think I’m more of a rival King. An Emperor perhaps or a Grand Sultan. Certainly a ruler with more power than you.”</p><p>                “With words like that, anyone would think you wanted a war,” Gackt scolded, clearly joking through his expression turned more serious when he saw his mother in the doorway. “Here, I’ll give you my phone number and we can chat later?”</p><p>                “Sure.” Kami said, nervously waiting for the number before politely excusing himself from the room. He didn’t like the way Gackt’s mother was watching over him, though he hadn’t accepted any fruit this time so perhaps she wasn’t even mad.</p><p> </p><p>                Over the next few days Kami rested at home, his own bed a much wanted upgrade. As he recovered, he was able to spend some time up and about but even then, he continued to send messages to the boy he had met in the hospital. He missed Gackt and could tell the other missed his company too. As he got better, he sent Gackt a message, advising him that he was going to visit only to be shocked by a phone call.</p><p>                “Gackt?” Kami asked, smiling at the sound of the other’s voice. He wasn’t sure why neither of them had actually phoned the other before. It just hadn’t seemed appropriate. “That excited for my visit?”</p><p>                “Something like that,” Gackt answered, his tone friendly but not all humourless like it usually was. “Look there’s something I need to tell you. I’m not in the hospital anymore but I’m not exactly at home either. I’m at a facility, I guess you’d call it.”</p><p>                “You have an eating disorder, don’t you?” Kami guessed. He hadn’t been able to stop wondering why Gackt had wanted his empty fruit containing, why his parents acted like his illness was Gackt’s fault, the way the nurses had started to monitor the other’s room at meal times. Gackt was so slim it should have been obvious, but he had been so confident it was difficult to think that he was suffering.</p><p>                “You figured it out then,” Gackt said after a long moments silence. “The mess that I am.”</p><p>                “You’re sick, that’s not your fault,” Kami reassured the other. “I for one don’t think any less of you.”</p><p>                “I’m scared you’re the only one who thinks that way,” Gackt answered. “Well anyway, if you want to visit me here then I’ll send you the address. I’d rather discuss this in person.”</p><p>                “Yes of course I want to visit you!” Kami exclaimed, “That is, if you want me to visit?”</p><p>                “I wouldn’t send you my address if I didn’t want you to come.” Gackt answered, surprising Kami again as he hung up the phone. Perhaps someone had been after Gackt’s attention? Nervously Kami took in the revelation that his theory had been correct. He’d half expected the other to deny it, instead the confident boy had sounded like he wasn’t far from breaking. Gackt needed a friend, Kami realised, someone who would see his weaknesses and still stand proudly at his side.</p><p> </p><p>                The eating disorder clinic where Gackt was now residing was a beautiful old home on many acres of land and it was clear that it was expensive to stay here. Nervously Kami climbed the steps to the front door, wondering what would await on the other side. To his relief it was just a fancy reception area that awaited on the other side, with a smiling receptionist who asked him to sign in before handing over a visitor’s badge. He was directed to Gackt’s room and upon reaching it, Kami knocked politely waiting to be called in.</p><p>                “Kami?” Gackt called as he opened the door. Finding the other on the other side, Gackt wrapped Kami in a hug before letting him into the bedroom. It was more like an apartment than a hospital room, something Kami was grateful for. He didn’t want to think of Gackt as sick, not with something like this.</p><p>                “Are they nice here?” Kami asked, returning the hug as it looked like Gackt wasn’t about to let go.</p><p>                “I guess,” Gackt answered. “Strict of course. Everything we eat here is monitored. It’s humiliating.”</p><p>                “Well they’re trying to make you better,” Kami reminded him. “There must be more to this place than rules?”</p><p>                “Therapy,” Gackt admitted. “My therapist thinks that it’s my strict parents that made me this way. That by not eating I’m somehow punishing them and regaining control. I let him think that, it’s easier.”</p><p>                “I don’t think lying to your therapist helps.” Kami scolded.</p><p>                “But I don’t know why I do this!” Gackt exclaimed, finally letting Kami go and crossing his arms across his own chest. “Looking good on stage when I play piano is part of it, perhaps reclaiming control is another but neither of them are reasons on their own. I’m just broken.”</p><p>                “I don’t think so,” Kami answered. “I think you’re just lost and soon you will find your way.”</p><p>                “You know I was using you, right?” Gackt asked, his sudden change of subject something Kami had grown used to. “When I saw the way you looked at me I knew just a little flirting and you wouldn’t even question the gifts. It worked, until my mother figured it out.”</p><p>                “Are you trying to upset me?” Kami demanded, not at all impressed by Gackt’s words. “Scare me away perhaps? I bet it terrifies you that no matter what you say, I still care deeply and want to help you. You didn’t need a man to give your food too, there was a thousand ways to remove it from your room. You gave that fruit to me because you liked me and you wanted me to like you too! Well guess what? I do like you and I won’t let you push me away!”</p><p>                “You’re a fool!” Gackt complained, but as he locked gazes with Kami it was clear he was actually impressed. “Fine, like me then. Don’t tell me later that I didn’t warn you about who I was.”</p><p>                “I’m barely beginning to learn who you are,” Kami corrected. “But that’s one of the reasons I came here. Are you allowed outside? We could go for a walk and finally be able to truly talk.”</p><p>                “I’m allowed out for an hour,” Gackt answered. “As long as they believe we’re just going to walk around the grounds.”</p><p>                “You think people don’t trust this face?” Kami joked. “Come on, let’s go have some fun like teenage boys not recovering from their illnesses.”</p><p>                “Are you still in pain?” Gackt wondered as he slipped on his shoes. His concern was genuine and erased any concerns Kami might have had about Gackt only pretending to like him. The other boy was scared, struggling with the idea of having a none judgemental friend, and all Kami could do in return would be to stay by his side.</p><p>                “A little but no need to worry,” Kami answered, sharing funny stories about his recovery to give Gackt a break from having to talk about his own illness. Kami could barely understand what Gackt was going through, it all felt rather strange to him, but that didn’t stop him from being supportive. For now that meant simply being there and not judging the other for his short comings. “Are there butterflies in the garden?”</p><p>                “I’ve never been outside here,” Gackt answered. “You seriously want to hunt butterflies?”</p><p>                “What?” Kami asked. “They’re beautiful and I love them!”</p><p>                “What shallow reasons to like something.” Gackt scolded, confidentially leading Kami through his current home. They passed several young adults and teenagers in the hall, patients here, several looking far worse than Gackt did whilst others looked like nothing was wrong with them at all. It was rather distressing to see a fifteen-year-old girl looking on the verge of death and as they passed her Gackt remarked on how concerned he was for.</p><p>                “You know you’re as sick as her, you were just caught sooner,” Kami informed his friend. “Don’t look at me like that, you know it’s true.”</p><p>                “I would have stopped before then.” Gackt said, though there was obvious doubt in his words. Kami didn’t press the matter further and waited patiently for Gackt to clear the walk with the woman monitoring the back door. There were no issues with him leaving to walk around the grounds, so the two boys began their afternoon stroll. It wasn’t a warm day but it wasn’t cold either and walking soon warmed them up enough to not be concerned by the gentle breeze.</p><p>                “Well I’m disappointed,” Kami announced. “Not only are there no butterflies, I have yet to see a moat, crocodile or even a dragon!”</p><p>                “That’s my other castle,” Gackt answered with a smile when he realised Kami wasn’t actually expressing disappointment. “Which of course I won’t show you, aren’t you the Sultan that declared war on my kingdom?”</p><p>                “That’s right,” Kami answered with a smile. “I’m the…”</p><p>                “Kami!” Gackt exclaimed as the other clutched his stomach in obvious pain. Concerned he led the other to a nearby bench and helped him sit down. “Is it your stiches?”</p><p>                “I think so,” Kami confessed. He’d been doing so well but the pain was back and he hadn’t taken pain killers before he came. Nervously he pulled up his top and found the healing scar wasn’t damaged. He’d just overdone it then. “You should sit down too, you look faint.”</p><p>                “It’s just shock,” Gackt lied, it was clear he hadn’t been eating enough to support this mild exercise, “I was concerned.”</p><p>                “It was more than that,” Kami said, taking Gackt’s hand in his. “But I’m sure you already have what feels like a million people telling you what you should be doing, so I won’t be another. If you want to talk, I’m here, but otherwise perhaps I could be the one person in your life who would rather talk to you about castles and dragons?”</p><p>                “It’s such a relief to not have to talk about it,” Gackt confessed, moving closer to Kami as he reached up to trail his fingers through the other’s hair. “It’s so soft. You care for your hair. Let me guess, floral shampoo to attract the butterflies?”</p><p>                “I just use whatever is in the bathroom.” Kami said with a shrug. This felt like more familiar territory, having others admire his hair, but he had never had a friend who wanted to hold it for so long. He realised that perhaps Gackt was envious of him, had he too had long healthy hair like his own? Had his eating disorder taken that away from him, or was cutting his hair something the other had done to try and keep control over his life.</p><p>                “That’s the answer of boys who don’t care, or are trying to act more masculine than they are. I wouldn’t take you for either.” Gackt teased.</p><p>                “It’s very much the first!” Kami protested. “Well, I guess I do care, I just trust my Mum to buy the good stuff.”</p><p>                “That’s more believable,” Gackt relented, dropping Kami’s hair and watching it fall. “Are you ready to walk, just a little further?”</p><p>                “I think so.” Kami said, carefully getting up and following Gackt a short distance to where there was a bench out of view from anyone who may have been watching. He should have realised what Gackt was planning, but the other’s lips on his own still took him by surprise. He’d only been kissed twice before, both experimental and nothing of note, so it was a surprise to feel such passion from the other. He hadn’t even been sure if Gackt had meant it when he said he was interested, even now Kami still wondered if the other was still pulling some kind of prank on him. It didn’t feel that way though, it felt very much like a teenager’s first experience of love.</p><p>                “I want to get better,” Gackt explained. “So that this can become something but I don’t know how that’s ever going to happen.”</p><p>                “You could start with being honest with your therapist,” Kami informed him. “But I think wanting to heal is the most important part.”</p><p>                “Well how else am I meant to introduce you to the crocodiles?” Gackt joked, breaking Kami’s laughter with another kiss on the lips. So this was how his love life was going to be for now, Kami thought as he clung to the other. Stolen kisses and promises that one day Gackt would no longer have to live here. He knew the other would get better, if Gackt was just one thing then it was stubborn.</p><p>                “I’d really like to see your crocodiles, one day.” Kami promised Gackt. His words betraying his feelings. He wanted the other to be well once more, he wanted to have a normal love life, he wanted to know that Gackt would stick around long enough for them both to explore these shared emotions. What he wanted, more than anything, was a promise of a shared future.</p><p>                “Well then, I’ll promise you one day I’ll show you my home.” Gackt answered, it was exactly what Kami needed to hear. With those words, Kami knew that they would have a future together and silently his opinion of Gackt’s relationship with him changed from friend to boyfriend. Smiling he took Gackt’s hand in his and began to talk about how he planned to win the war over Gackt’s land. Just silly childish conversation but it made them both feel better for it. Soon he would be healed and he hoped that Gackt would be healed soon too. But even if not, he would be there for the other. That was one thing he knew for certain.</p>
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